Jan 5, 1987 - 7:00 pm
From December 31, 1986 until today, my head has felt so painful to the point of quasi-paralysis. In the dream, my lips were all swollen. This sign conveys a clear message. I should restrain and be mute.
The left side of my head aches too much, my eyes blur, my ears are sore. My head is so stinging that I cannot even reposition it. My Master had once told me that whenever I do not set eyes on good or bad, right or wrong, I would no longer have such a strange headache. Is it true?
I see clearly that, every time I have just begun a speech, I can recognize right away that I am wrong. Every time people talk, they have reasons, and certainly not agreeable reasons - they always want either to protect themselves, or to comment on others.
Even my silence right now is only a frustrated silence - the silence from the fear of being wrong, not the silence of non-thinking, non-talking. Speaking out or keeping silent when thoughts still arise are similar, the only difference being the sound. Either talking or thinking causes vibrations in the air, which may disturb the tranquility and the bliss on this earth.
When I was working in the office, with people around me talked too much, this made me upset. The good point was that I still could follow my thinking closely.
Every time I wanted to begin talking, I immediately felt sorry, since I could see the wrong would be 99% for sure. In these cases, I do not need someone else ' s judgment, because nobody can do it better than me.
